1. Wearing official Dunkin’ sweatpants out in public makes you 99.7% more likely to be taken seriously.
2. Being a volunteer brand ambassador is tiring work, especially when there’s no coffee available.
3. Clients, much like my children, prove far more agreeable when Dunkin’ Donuts are involved.
4. Crushing KPIs is crucial to raking in ROIs.
5. I truly have no idea how Ben Affleck fits Dunkin’ sweatpants over his massive thighs.
6. Dunkin’ Donuts Express serves customers at 300% efficiency when the coffee machine is out.
7. Bringing a mixed box of Dunkin’ Donuts to a meeting ensure there’s something for everyone (except those losers who dislike donuts).
8. Nano-influencers are the donut holes of marketing.
9. If at first you lose the pitch, donut give up. More clients will come around. (Sorry, couldn’t resist sprinkling in some donut puns.)
10. After significant A/B testing, Ariana Grande created far more buzz in Dunkin’ pants than I did.